We often speak on the joys of motherhood. But why don’t we speak about the loneliness of motherhood? I have felt lonely before. However, when I became a mother, that loneliness hits differently. There is so much that goes into the mental space of being a mom. Ultimately, we dedicate our time to our children because they need us. Some of us (myself included) lose ourselves in the routine of motherhood. We are no longer seen as the person we were before our kids came about. We’re either (your child/children’s name here) mom or (your partner/spouse’s) wife/girlfriend/partner. Friendships take a toll too. The communication between you and your kidless friends is very different. You’re not invited to events as much because you now have to find the time and a babysitter just so you can hang out. If you’re in your 20s like me, you see your friends still hitting the clubs, dancing, Sunday Fundaying, getting lit; but you’re at home, watching from behind your phone screen with Cocomelon playing on the TV. The most action you get with an invite could be a playdate, birthday party, or some other kid-friendly event. And sure, there are mom groups but sometimes those aren’t even giving you what you need.
There has always been a MAJOR push from society to dedicate your life, as a mom, to your children. Forget the person you were prior to that. It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not about you. It’s always about the kids. Always. I mean, they didn’t necessarily ask to be here. But what about mom? What about how she feels every day? What if she wants more human interaction with adults? I was someone before my daughter was even thought of. I had (still do) dreams and aspirations. But if we express all of this, what is the feedback we receive? “YoU cHosE tHis!” “You knew it was going to be hard.” “You had a choice.” And while those things can be true, it can also be true that this shit is demanding and lowkey taxing on my mental health.
How do we deal? Who can we really confide in without judgment? How do we get back to our dreams and aspirations without being as present as we usually are with our children? I’m gonna be honest. I just take it one day at a time. Literally. A lot of the time, I cry in the shower, with the door locked, and my daughter pounding on the door wanting to show me something that I don’t want to see at the moment. I pray and beg God to just give more hours in the day. I take time to journal. If I have quiet time while Avery is sleeping, I do something that I want to do: catch up on a tv show, listen to my favorite album WITHOUT the censoring, think of content for this site. Just SOMETHING so that I can feel normal.
When I made this blog, this was a gift to myself because I had been so lost. I was stumbling around, trying to find my place in the world as a new mom in my 20s. This is my way of expressing the truth. My hope is that someday a community of mothers can feel safe in this space that I not only created for myself, but also for them.
If you are feeling the weight of loneliness in this motherhood journey, always know that my comments are open. This is a safe space.
Take care of yourselves and be gentle.