#MomLife

Categories: #MomLife

The Loneliness of Motherhood

We often speak on the joys of motherhood. But why don’t we speak about the loneliness of motherhood? I have felt lonely before. However, when I became a mother, that loneliness hits differently. There is so much that goes into the mental space of being a mom. Ultimately, we dedicate our time to our children because they need us. Some of us (myself included) lose ourselves in the routine of motherhood. We are no longer seen as the person we were before our kids came about. We’re either (your child/children’s name here) mom or (your partner/spouse’s) wife/girlfriend/partner. Friendships take a toll too. The communication between you and your kidless friends is very different. You’re not invited to events as much because you now have to find the time and a babysitter just so you can hang out. If you’re in your 20s like me, you see your friends still hitting the clubs, dancing, Sunday Fundaying, getting lit; but you’re at home, watching from behind your phone screen with Cocomelon playing on the TV. The most action you get with an invite could be a playdate, birthday party, or some other kid-friendly event. And sure, there are mom groups but sometimes those aren’t even giving you what you need.

There has always been a MAJOR push from society to dedicate your life, as a mom, to your children. Forget the person you were prior to that. It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not about you. It’s always about the kids. Always. I mean, they didn’t necessarily ask to be here. But what about mom? What about how she feels every day? What if she wants more human interaction with adults? I was someone before my daughter was even thought of. I had (still do) dreams and aspirations. But if we express all of this, what is the feedback we receive? “YoU cHosE tHis!” “You knew it was going to be hard.” “You had a choice.” And while those things can be true, it can also be true that this shit is demanding and lowkey taxing on my mental health.

How do we deal? Who can we really confide in without judgment? How do we get back to our dreams and aspirations without being as present as we usually are with our children? I’m gonna be honest. I just take it one day at a time. Literally. A lot of the time, I cry in the shower, with the door locked, and my daughter pounding on the door wanting to show me something that I don’t want to see at the moment. I pray and beg God to just give more hours in the day. I take time to journal. If I have quiet time while Avery is sleeping, I do something that I want to do: catch up on a tv show, listen to my favorite album WITHOUT the censoring, think of content for this site. Just SOMETHING so that I can feel normal.

When I made this blog, this was a gift to myself because I had been so lost. I was stumbling around, trying to find my place in the world as a new mom in my 20s. This is my way of expressing the truth. My hope is that someday a community of mothers can feel safe in this space that I not only created for myself, but also for them.

If you are feeling the weight of loneliness in this motherhood journey, always know that my comments are open. This is a safe space.

Take care of yourselves and be gentle.

Genuinely,

Gabby

Categories: #MomLife

Words of Wisdom to Mothers and Mothers-to-Be

I haven’t been a mother for very long, but I have gained some wisdom within these three short years. Motherhood is a melting pot of a journey. There are good days, excellent days, terrible days, and horrendous days. But each day, there is a lesson. Every single day is a learning experience. Children can be the best and the worst. And that’s okay! Sure, we want our children to be the most perfect little angels. But honey that is not the reality. Again, that is okay.

To bring a sense of calm and community in mothering, I asked a few mothers for some advice they acquired in their years of being a mom. Here is some reassuring advice for mothers.

“Don’t feel bad about taking time for yourself. Happy mom, happy baby.
“Enjoy every moment; time moves fast.”
“Create structure.”
“Pouring into yourself is equally as important as pouring into your child.”
“Follow your heart and intuition! Your baby will trust you if you trust yourself.”
“Live in the moment! They pass you by otherwise.”
“Protect your peace.”
“Proverbs 3:5. Once you affirm and believe that, know you’ve got this!”
“No one else’s view of you matters but your child’s.”
“It’s okay to apologize to your child(ren).”

I have to say that these words of wisdom definitely meant so much to me from other women that walking through motherhood. I also have a few to pass along!

Take all the pictures and the videos. And print the pictures!
Always be attentive in how you react to your circumstances.
Be gentle with both yourself and your child(ren). You are both learning from each other.
It does not matter what your kids eat. As long as they are fed!
Every moment is special.
Your baby loves you regardless of your failures. They love YOU.

Some of this advice really resonates with me as a mother. I remember what it was like when everything was so new. The experience was definitely nothing that I expected it to be. Hell, it still isn’t! But I can say that it’s a journey worth taking.

I hope that you take away some of this advice and remember that you are doing an exceptionally excellent job in being a mother.

Genuinely,

Gabby

Categories: #MomLife

Budget-Friendly Valentine’s Day Gift Bags for Toddlers

Are you tight on money or short on time? Then this is the perfect budget-friendly way to make a Valentine’s Day gift for your toddler(s)!

What You’ll Need

gift bags (you can find solid Valentine’s Day colors at Dollar Tree; they come in a set of 3)
Candy (Target, Walmart, Kroger, and pretty much any grocery store almost always has BOGO on themed candy. OR you can just buy regular candy without the Valentine’s Day theme. Also, if you have food stamps, candy counts as food!)
Markers/crayons (use the kids’!)
Construction paper (use the kids’ or you can purchase some at Dollar Tree)
Stickers (Dollar Tree)
Optional: Stuffed animals/toys (again…. Dollar Tree!)
Optional: decorative shred (Dollar Tree)
Scissors

How to Make

First, decorate the bags. Write your child’s name on it. I chose to decorate the bags with cute stickers.

Second, put the candy in the bags. I had about four bags of candy that I purchased and just evenly spread it out in each bag.

Third, use the construction paper to make little cards with sweet Valentine’s Day messages. If you’re feeling really crafty, cut the cards into little hearts. Once finished, just drop it in the bag.

*These next two steps are optional*

Add a toy in each bag and then top it off with the decorative shred.

Now you’re ready to pass this out to your little tot(s)! It’s super simple and very cheap. My daughter and her group of friends really enjoyed their bags. This is perfect for your child’s class Valentine’s Day parties or just a sweet little gift to make your little one(s) feel special! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Categories: #MomLife, Lifestyle

How to Balance Motherhood, Blogging, and Other Life Events

When I started my blog, I was so excited. It was something new and a way to express myself freely. But I did NOT know how hard it would be to balance motherhood (which is already hard af), school, work, AND blogging. How do I juggle it all? How do I allow my passion and my motherly duties to coexist? My passion for sharing my perspective fuels me to keep going and creating. Creating this space is a step into finding my way back to myself! So if it’s something that I love, I’m going to make it work.

Now don’t get me wrong, it IS hard work. First, if you’re a mom, then you know that within itself requires a lot of your time. Add in studying for school and attending night classes. Then, working or, in my case, searching for a new job. Finally, the workload for blogging: creating content, taking pictures, editing posts, and scheduling. As hectic as it is, how can someone stay afloat without going insane?

Here are three tips that help me in balancing it all.

Plan, plan, plan. Please, and I cannot stress this enough, plan out everything. This may seem excessive to some. But if you’re juggling multiple things at once, you need to be VERY organized. Humans operate on routines. Seriously. It’s a fact! I have two planners: one for my everyday life and one for my blog. Then, I put everything in my phone calendars (I use Apple and Google). I also type out a to-do list every day of all the things I need to get done. Now, I don’t always stay on track. But for the most part, I do!

Do NOT overwork or stress yourself out! No one on this earth can do everything in a day. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Beyoncé was not made in a day. Do you get what I’m saying? When you overbook yourself on the things you need to do, your body will let you know. Take plenty of breaks when you need to. Break things up into small tasks. For example, laundry. I wash and dry my laundry in two days. Then, I set aside some time to fold. If I don’t complete all of it, I pick up where I left the next day. Every day, I have little tasks to help keep my space tidy and clean. Same with blogging. The notion that you HAVE to post every day or multiple times throughout the week is garbage juice. Sometimes, you just don’t have anything to say! I know I don’t. Take that time to reset your mind and focus on other things. Once your mind is clear, you’ll have the mental space to create!
Comparison is a thief of joy. As difficult as this is, stop comparing yourself to others. No one has what you have. I find myself sometimes being discouraged when I see that my content isn’t being received as well as I hoped it to be. Especially if I see that someone else has something similar to mine. Or if I see a parent whose child is just doing all these great things and I feel like I’m not doing enough for my daughter. I have to remind and give myself some grace that I’m doing the best I can with what I have! What you see is not always the truth, okay? Focus on you and whatever you have going on. The moment you start to compare, you spiral into negative thinking. You do not deserve that! Keep doing you and find ways to stay inspired.

There is nothing wrong with having your hands in many pots. Don’t allow your life and your passion(s) to hinder you from enjoying both!

Genuinely,

Gabby

Categories: #MomLife, Lifestyle

Squashing Mom Guilt

Come on. Bring it in. Let’s talk about it. Mom guilt.

So we all know that being a mother is NOT easy. From the very moment we find out that we’re pregnant, our bodies are no longer ours. We watch our bodies change, grow, and create life. Then we give birth. There’s breastfeeding or bottle feeding. The sleepless nights. POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION AND/OR POST PARTUM ANXIETY. Not knowing how to really care for when your child is sick. Figuring out what to food to feed and when to feed it to them. The list is freaking endless! And I know y’all have read several articles, talked to some mom friends/other moms/uhhh YOUR mom about the joys and not so joyful moments of being a mother.
Just for a disclaimer: anyone that personally knows me, knows I adore my daughter, Avery. She is my whole entire life. I know it’s cliché, but the love I have for Avery surpasses anything I’ve ever known about love. But when you have a bond with someone you gave life to (or adopted!), it’s a totally different feeling. Sometimes I cry at the thought of how precious and beautiful my daughter is. The kindness, the innocence, the huge personality, all of it. I’m just like “WOW! God really snapped when He allowed this tiny human to be my child!” HOWEVER, a very big part of me feels like I’m not as up to par as I should be.

Mom guilt is this pervasive feeling of not doing good enough as a mother, not doing things right, or making decisions that may “mess up” your kids in the long run . I’m sure most mothers have it. Look at the society we live in. If you decide to stay at home to be with your baby, your income is limited whether you are married, just living with your partner, or a single parent. If you decide to go back to work after 6-8 weeks, your income is still limited and so is your time! Daycare fees are absolutely ridiculous and placing your child in the care of someone else that you do not know is triggering. Most jobs are unnecessarily strict with attendance because literally anything can happen to your kid at any given moment and may not be able to get off of work to be there for them.

I’ve been on both sides of mom guilt. For the first three months of Avery’s life, I was a stay at home mom. I was determined and so focused on being with my baby, that I didn’t have a back up plan for when the money I saved ran out quickly. So I went back to my job that I left prior to Avery’s arrival, but only part time. IT WAS TERRIBLE. I worked for a daycare, so that required me to be a play mom at work and an actual mommy at home. All my energy was spent at work and I was extremely exhausted when I got home to my baby. Because I was still breastfeeding, I had to pump even more than I already did. And my pumping sessions were spent in my car, in the parking lot of my job, praying that none of the parents saw me and my boobs struggling. Like I said, terrible. Then I lost my job and didn’t have my own income again. I felt like a failure. Yes, I have help from my boyfriend (Avery’s dad) and my parents. But I didn’t feel like I was supplying anything for Avery on my own.

Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Know that you are not alone. In some form or fashion, another mom is out there going through something similar.
2. Everyone’s experience is not YOUR experience. What works for your friend and her kid(s), may not work for you and yours. And don’t let someone negate your feelings or make you feel as if they are better than you, especially when that person may have had a similar experience. People handle things differently.
3. Take breaks as often as you can. I’m very grateful for the family support that I have. Some mamas don’t have that. Try to in any small way you can. For me, my place of solitude was the shower. As soon as Avery was down for a nap or for the night, I would hop in the shower and release everything from the day. Being that I am a crier, I would sob in the shower A LOT. Also, take mental breaks. Reset your focus. Reassure yourself that it is okay. Being a parent is a daily learning experience.
4. Finally, don’t be too hard on yourself. This is something I still struggle with. I beat myself up whenever I don’t get it right. This refers back to what I said previously that this is a daily learning experience. No one has it all together. I know it’s cliché, but it’s the truth. We are all trying to figure it out in the best way we can.

Ultimately, mom guilt is normal. The key is to not allow it to consume you and cause you to believe that you are an incompetent mother. No mother has it all figured. We have to remember that we are still growing and adjusting to our “new normal.” Motherhood is messy (literally lol) and you just have to roll in the dirt every step of the way.

Genuinely,
Gabby